I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
