I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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