I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
