So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
