I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
