grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize