I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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