she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
