her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
