our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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