His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
