So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
True strength comes from lack of pants
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
