porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
