so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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