and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
