He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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