your room smells of hookers.
And success
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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