Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize