Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
