sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
