We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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