I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize