What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
