I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
