you would pick up someone in the library
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize