Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Why is your signature on my underwear?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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