I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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