I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
