google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he was CRYING into my vagina
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
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