yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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