I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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