Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
