my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
