It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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