I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
