Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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