True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
