I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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