It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
wow bdsm is so cute
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize