And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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