Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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