What a fucking waste of an outfit
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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