He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
