Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize