words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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