she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I have aggressive nipples.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
