walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
