hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
