Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
now i know why i became what i already was.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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