my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
