A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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