Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
