i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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