he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize