there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
