Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
