you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
