OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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