its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
