I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
