grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
My ATM looks so different sober.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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