After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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