he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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