She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
