the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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