Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
