i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
