Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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