those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
