I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
