Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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