First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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