he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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