farters have to be the big spoon...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
