bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
